From AS, re my comments about the rear-naked choke hold in the May 26 issue: 

“In all the media reports about the subway debacle I saw, there was no physical contact, that is until the ex-marine used the choke hold.

“They taught that choke hold to us in the Army. There was no explanation in terms of different levels of damage it might cause. That’s because they were teaching us to kill. Yes, it is quite lethal.”

From JC, re self-defense for daughters (and sisters and mothers): 

“I know you have a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I also know that you had your boys learn it when they were young. I have a nine-year-old daughter. If you had a daughter, what martial art or self-defense system would you recommend?”

My Response: If I had a daughter, I’d want her to become proficient in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. First, because it’s a great and improving sport. Second, because it is an extremely efficient way to be in top shape. And third, because it is the only self-defense system that makes any sense for girls and women.

It’s more effective for women than any other form of grappling and any form of striking, including boxing, kickboxing, Mui Thai, etc. Regardless of how effective a woman becomes in those other martial arts, she will have little chance of defending herself against a larger, stronger man. But Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was created specifically to enable smaller weaker fighters to defeat larger stronger ones by using leverage and technique.

I’m not saying that a woman that is a black belt in BJJ can defeat all men that don’t know BJJ. I’m saying that if she is really good at it, she has a chance – a small chance, but a real chance – against an aggressive and determined male attacker.

To give you an idea of the disadvantage women have in fighting, take a look at this clip. The woman is a brown belt (second-highest level). The man is a blue belt (second-lowest level). She does well in this exchange. But if it was an all-out fight with striking, it’s highly unlikely she would survive.

From SC, re “Chat-GPT as Mark Ford” in the May 12 issue: 

“I loved it. But to me, the only thing that I might call ‘disturbing’ was the hint of cynicism I’m seeing in some of your writing the last year or so.

“Yes, those ‘keys to living’ are clichés and not terribly original. But not at all ‘drivel.’ I’ll tell you what I did right after I read it. I copied it and e-mailed it to my two oldest grandchildren.

“I always considered your writing on social and political issues to be very balanced. Lately, I see a little more despair, frustration… even anger. I respectfully suggest some clear-eyed optimism. By that, I don’t mean a sniveling, trite infusion of ‘happy talk’ or a denial that there is much corruption, greed & fraud in the world. I mean a recognition that there is more good than bad, that trust is better than suspicion, and hope is better than despair.”

My Response: Thanks for your comments, SC.

I’m sure I have become more frustrated and despairing of late. But isn’t that what one should do in one’s seventies?

It’s said, as you know, that if you are young and conservative, you have no heart, and if you are older and liberal, you have no brain.

You suggest that I should be more fair-minded. I do try, especially with topical issues, because my instinct is often to rail. It’s as if, as I get closer to my use-by date, I don’t feel I have the time to wait while everyone gradually comes to realize that I was right all along!

I also try to remember that the world won’t self-implode if all its problems aren’t solved before I shuffle off the old coil.

In the article you are responding to, I was “excited” to discover that someone had used Chat-GPT to create an AI version of an essay I might write about how to live a rich life. In fact, I wrote dozens of essays on the subject. A book, too. I was disappointed to see that all my cleverness was boiled down to a handful of truisms that could be gleaned from anyone.

Perhaps that’s what Chat-GPT did. Perhaps it had no access to my brilliant ideas. Perhaps the poor thing had to limit itself to the millions of things other people have said on the subject. In that case, I forgive it!

PS: I hope the advice, bland as it was, entertained your grandkids!

From MC, after a visit to Paradise Palms Botanical & Sculpture Gardens: 

“Paradise Palms is absolutely delightful. Rick was a perfect host and guide as he shuttled my wife and me around the entire property in a golf cart. He was very knowledgeable about the various palm trees and plants throughout and imparted that knowledge to us. We even snapped a cute picture of a racoon up in a palm tree. After that, we enjoyed strolling around the park ourselves. I must say we are very envious of his position as the property manager of PPB&SG. If any of your readers are ever in South Florida, highly recommended that they make time to come see and enjoy.”

My Response: Thanks for the recommendation, MC!

The gardens are not yet fully open, but private tours are available by appointment Monday, Thursday, and Saturday between noon and 2:00 pm. Though there is no formal admission fee, visitors are asked to make a donation to cover the cost of the tour guide.

For more information about the gardens or to schedule a private tour or event, email Giovanna Koo: giovanna@palimi.net.

From JJ, re “China Is Winning This Battle Too!” in the May 9 issue: 

“Here in Ecuador (and likely other countries), China lends hundreds of millions of dollars for infrastructure projects, to be paid back in oil.

“Ecuador is entirely self-sufficient in electricity thanks to the construction of hydroelectric dams with Chinese money. Here’s the bad news though. China required that all construction be done by Chinese companies, using Chinese labor. So no Ecuadorians benefited, except for purchases.

“One dam was so poorly built, it developed a crack almost a foot wide. Ecuador insisted that the company that built it fix it. They refused. Ecuador sued the company, but since it was long done…

“So the dam was useless for years. I don’t know if it’s ever been fixed…”

My Response: As I’m sure you know, JJ, that quid-pro-quo system is hardly unique to China. It’s standard for many countries that give foreign aid to Africa, South America, and elsewhere. It’s standard policy for USAID, too.

But my point wasn’t that the Chinese do a better job in building than the US or other countries. It was that they seem to have been doing a better job on the diplomatic side, in terms of their reputation with the countries they aid. Despite the trillions of dollars that the US has given in foreign aid over the decades, it has not been able to shake off its widespread reputation as the “evil empire.”

From CM re my May 5 piece about charitable giving: 

“I really enjoy your e-letters. They are both informative and entertaining. Your article on charity was outstanding, and so were the links! Since you quoted the Torah, a subject I’m familiar with, I hope it’s okay if I share some insight.

“‘The highest form of giving charity is giving anonymously’ is not from the Torah. The Torah doesn’t have a hierarchy of giving charity or ‘tzedakah’ – which comes from the root word of ‘tzedek,’ which translates to ‘justice.’

“Maimonides does list a hierarchy of tzedakah in his code of Jewish law.

“Giving anonymously is number two and number three out of eight. Number one is preventing someone from needing tzedakah… such as finding someone a job, partnering with them in business, etc.

“I believe it’s not so much to prevent them from becoming a burden on the community. It’s more so that they don’t suffer a loss of dignity.”

My Response: Thank you for the correction, CM! (I knew I should have looked that up!)

From SA: 

“You said: ‘I have an abiding interest in charitable giving. Not because I think it is virtuous, but because I see it as a contributing factor to being a happy person.’ So honest.

“I have always known that about myself but never mentioned it to anyone, because I felt I was supposed to feel altruistic, when instead I felt happy. Therefore, my being charitable made me a selfish man. Now, I feel I can openly admit it, while still being charitable. So what if I’m selfish.”

Re the April 25 issue: 

“Loved your piece about business/economic privilege! It’s so true!” – SM

“Your suggestion – ‘Unless you have run a successful business for at least five years, don’t talk. Just listen.’ – I can definitely see that on a t-shirt. Brilliant!” – RC

“Your essay on ‘The End of Unbiased Reporting’ was insightful. And correct. In the old days, you could argue that a newspaper or news channel was biased. But today, it goes way beyond bias. It’s competing fiction factories!” – LS

Re “Poor Wreck That I Am” in the April 21 issue, GM had this to say: 

“Thanks for that piece, Mark. I too have suffered from depression and anxiety since my late 20s. To this day I still wonder how I was able to start and operate a business for 30 years, have employees, sell said business, and yet, after all that, still appear to be very ‘successful’ to the outside (however success is defined these days). The ‘am I worthy’ or am I suffering from the ‘imposter syndrome’ always haunted me. I wondered when I would be found out. It is only in the last few years that I am becoming more comfortable with myself despite being a crotchety 73-year-old worrying if my comb-over is noticeable to anyone. Catholic upbringing perhaps? I always knew I was not alone.”

My Response: I get it. You could divide the world into three groups: people that never get depressed; people that get depressed but not clinically depressed and so believe depression = sadness, and people that know what real depression is.

Here’s a piece I wrote on the subject after my last serious bout.

From AS, re “A New Rule for Discussing Economics” in the April 25 issue: 

“I liked your comments about capitalism.

“When I owned my restaurants, I always had people come up to me and say things like, ‘I should open a restaurant. I’m a great cook and my friends love my food.” Or, ‘You have a gold mine here.’

“It was crystal clear to me that those people had no idea what went into running a business, let alone restaurants. Your companions that day reminded me of all the people who think you unlock the door and then count your money at the end of the day.”

From AS: “I’d hate to be a cop!” 

“To acquire a concealed carry permit, you had to take eight hours of instruction, including an hour on a firing range. Veterans excused. So aside from getting a little safety training, someone had to put forth extra effort to carry a gun. I wonder how many people already had guns before concealed weapons were allowed in a state like Florida, and how many ran out and bought one.

“The new law passed in Florida by your buffoon governor was passed and signed by Ohio’s buffoon governor at least a year earlier. Ohio finally beat Florida in the arena of stupidity. Before that, policemen would see you had a permit for a weapon when they ran your license and were allowed to ask if you had a firearm. Now they can’t ask. I’d hate to be a cop now more than ever.”

From TS re the Open Carry Question: 

“I’ve been on the fence about this subject for a long time. I shared the popular idea that the visible presence of guns would dissuade criminals. However, I live on the nicer side of a college town. And just this summer, two drivers got into a road rage incident, drove to the supermarket by my house, and shot each other in the parking lot like it was a 19th-century duel.

“I understand road rage. But obviously, if neither man had a gun, they would likely still be alive. I even wonder what would have happened if only one had a gun. The part of me that has some faith in humanity thinks that even an enraged driver wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man. But if you see someone else draw a gun and you have a gun as well – well, of course you are going to fire.

“I also believe that criminalizing the ownership of guns at this point would only mean that law-abiding citizens give up their guns and criminals have a field day. But again, it only seems like open carry laws have succeeded in turning otherwise law-abiding citizens into trigger happy gunslingers the moment an opportunity arises. Do we really trust ‘law-abiding citizens’ to become judge, jury, and executioner in the heat of the moment?”

From RC re Paradise Palms: 

“I’m delighted to hear of and read about your magnificent efforts to beautify and engage South Florida in a way for everyone to experience. This note is just to let you know that you are appreciated and respected.”

From MN, a friend and award-winning filmmaker, re the April 4 issue: 

“Great newsletter. Thank you, Mark. And such an important note about false confessions and the Innocence Project. My first documentary – 120 Years – which I made in 2018, is about an unbelievable wrongful conviction case in New Haven and the layers of corrupt policing and prosecution that produced that wrongful conviction and insulated it from legal accountability. I learned similar mind-blowing lessons about the extent of misconduct while making that film.”

Check out MN’s documentary here. 

From SL, re my Journal entry in the April 7 issue:

“Your connections to your high school buddies inspire me to reconnect with mine. No other people can help you remember who you were, for better or worse. Mine used to call me Latrine. Maybe that’s why most of us fall out of contact with high school friends, like in Stephen King’s Stand by Me.

“Good thing you have more recent friends, like me, who do know your generosity and loyalty.

“Keep writing my friend.”