Puns Galore!

Thanks to JM for sending these in…

* I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me. But I stand corrected.

* Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

* I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It’s a step-by-step guide.

* “Doctor, my child swallowed a roll of film. What should I do?” “Let’s wait and see if anything develops.”

* An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, “Nobody move!”

* Got drunk yesterday and threw up in the elevator on my way back home. It was disgusting on so many levels.

* I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure. Knock yourself out!”

* In Britain it’s called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

* 97% of people are stupid. Glad I’m in the other 5%.

* Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.

* The Lord said to John, “Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

And finally…

* I have 2 unwritten rules.
1.
2.

When Jim Carrey Goes Off Script… 

It shouldn’t surprise anyone, but this eight-minute video digest of Jim Carrey going off script on various movie sets demonstrates his special comedic genius.

Believe it or not… 

This cookbook infomercial isn’t an SNL skit.

Prepare to be amazed! 

Click here to watch dancers from Russia’s Moiseyev Ballet show off their incredible athletic ability.

“My Mom’s Motorcycle” 

A sweet and sentimental short film about the past and the future and our connections between objects and people.

10 very long movies that are actually worth watching, according to Far Out Magazine… 

Click here.

10 Good Thoughts to Help You Plan Your New Year

Ten quotes I collected this morning to share with my readers who like to think about and even set goals and plans for the new year…

Walter Scott on the gift of New Year’s Day: “Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer.”

Benjamin Franklin on how to make each year a better one: “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

James Clear on choosing a better future: “If you do not actively choose a better way, then society, culture, and the general inertia of life will push you into a worse way. The default is distraction, not improvement.”

T.S. Eliott on what to change before you can change yourself: “For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.”

President Harry Truman on sizing your planning: “You can always amend a big plan, but you can never expand a little one. I don’t believe in little plans. I believe in plans big enough to meet a situation which we can’t possibly foresee now.”

Eleanor Roosevelt on the difference between wishing and planning: “It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”

Gen. George S. Patton on planning for the new year: “A good plan violently executed right now is far better than a perfect plan executed next week.”

Benjamin Disraeli on how to hedge your planning: “Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.”

JRR Tolkien’s take on Disraeli’s advice: “It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near one.”

Michael Masterson on becoming one year older: “When looking at the mirrored image of your face today, don’t beat yourself up about how your skin has sagged and your hair gone gray. Rather imagine how much worse you’ll look next year and be grateful!”

Arnold Schwarzenegger admits he tricked Sylvester Stallone into doing a crappy movie… 

Watch it here.

In this clip, Arnold Schwarzenegger talks to Jimmy Kimmel about his early competition with Sylvester Stallone. If you don’t think of him as funny, it will change your mind.

Dick Van Dyke Dances to Coldplay 

Watch it here.