After Spike Milligan published “Monty,” the third installment of his memoirs, a reader wrote to praise the book, but added that he was bothered by a reference Milligan made about “cowardice in the face of the enemy.” 

Milligan’s Reply:

“Well, the point is, I suffered from cowardice in the face of the enemy throughout the war – in the face of the enemy, also in the legs, the elbows, and the wrists; in fact, after two years in the front line a mortar bomb exploded by my head (or was it my head exploded by a mortar bomb), and it so frightened me, I put on a tremendous act of stammering, stuttering, and shivering. This mixed with cries of ‘mother’ and a free flow of dysentery enabled me to be taken out of the line and down-graded to B2. But for that brilliant performance, this letter would be coming to you from a grave in Italy.

“Any more questions from you and our friendship is at an end.

 (Source: Letters of Note)