Puns Galore!

Thanks to JM for sending these in…

* I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me. But I stand corrected.

* Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

* I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It’s a step-by-step guide.

* “Doctor, my child swallowed a roll of film. What should I do?” “Let’s wait and see if anything develops.”

* An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, “Nobody move!”

* Got drunk yesterday and threw up in the elevator on my way back home. It was disgusting on so many levels.

* I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure. Knock yourself out!”

* In Britain it’s called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

* 97% of people are stupid. Glad I’m in the other 5%.

* Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.

* The Lord said to John, “Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

And finally…

* I have 2 unwritten rules.
1.
2.