MarkFord.net
The open-for-inspection half-way home for my writing…
There are few things more annoying than talking to someone that can’t stop talking about how clever and cute their little child or grandchild is.
It’s understandable as a biological impulse – protection of the gene pool, and all that. But it’s not good manners. And face it, nobody wants to hear about it.
Unless…
… unless the child is truly extraordinary, exceptionally clever, and almost unbelievably adorable. Like my grandson, Hudson (above).
Home Alone
Directed by Chris Columbus
Written by John Hughes
Starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, and Catherine O’Hara
Released in theaters Nov. 16, 1990
Currently streaming on Disney+
Last Monday, after dinner, I cuddled up with two of my grandkids, Francis (6) and Willa (4), to watch a Christmas movie of their choosing.
I was surprised by what they picked: Home Alone. The original version.
Of course, I’d seen it several times before. But this was the first time I realized that Macaulay Culkin is not just the main character, he’s by far the central character. He’s in almost every scene. And I was reminded of how amazingly good he was. (He was 10 years old at the time.) His performance made what would have been a good movie into a great movie. I hope he got a share of the residuals. He certainly earned it!
If you’ve never seen Home Alone, you might be surprised to know that this beloved children’s movie is replete with violence. Not mild violence, but the sort that makes an adult wince. How to describe it? It’s fake. But real. It’s Laurel and Hardy plus the Three Stooges plus Wile E. Coyote. What little Kevin does to the adult thieves is illegal in about half a dozen ways. Like “Fauci on a Couchi” (see “Good to Know,” below), I would have thought it would scare Francis and Willa. It didn’t. They loved it!
Critical Reception
* “[Culkin] is a vivid screen presence, almost incandescent with confidence.” (Peter Bradshaw, Guardian)
* “Home Alone seems to be nominating itself as a Christmas classic [and] the film does go some way toward getting the job done.” (Dave Kehr, Chicago Tribune)
* “The whole thing is gloriously tinged with nostalgia.” (Patrick Smith, Daily Telegraph/UK)
You can watch the trailer here.
Children, like their taller counterparts, enjoy bright and funny stories. And when they like something – any form of entertainment – they want to experience it over and over again. This is how Homo sapiens learn. So, one has to be sensitive to what sort of entertainment one exposes them to.
Three years ago, I saw a video that was produced for the Jimmy Kimmel TV show. A lighthearted send-up of Anthony Fauci. (This was when the doctor was loved and trusted by nearly everyone.) I thought it was funny in a sort of sweet and gentle way. I also thought my grandkids might like it. But there was one scene I was concerned about – a scene where a child gets laser-demolished. I thought, “I should let their parents take a look at this and decide.” But I didn’t do that. I went ahead and showed it to them while their parents were out Christmas shopping.
And like the violence in Home Alone (see “Worth Watching,” above), it didn’t bother them at all. Since then, whenever they see “Daddo,” they ask for “Fauci on a Couchi.” Not just once, but at least two or three times a day. I’m sure my daughters-in-law are worried that I might be damaging their children’s brains. I hope I’m not. At least, not permanently.
By the way, “Fauci on a Couchi” has many fans. It might be the highest viewed YouTube video ever. It garnered 14 billion views in 2020, and billions more since then. And there’s a whole mess of “Fauci on a Couchi” paraphernalia that you can buy on Etsy. Click here.
In case you haven’t seen the video, you can watch it here.
And when you’re done watching it, quiz yourself: Can you count how many times Fauci gave bad advice in the clip? (Hint: It’s more than three.)
Holidays on Ice
By David Sedaris
128 pages
Originally published Dec. 1997
I knew I had a few Christmas-themed books on the shelves somewhere. I was hoping to find one that would entertain the grandkids. The one I chose could certainly work for the kids, but it would also work for me because it was written by David Sedaris, who is always reliable for a good, smart laugh.
Holidays on Ice is a collection of essays and stories about Christmas. I am reading it now, repeating passages to family and friends who are visiting. My favorite so far is the first one in the book – “Santaland Diaries” – which is Sedaris’s take on working as an elf at a department store grotto.
Critical Reception
* “Not remotely politically correct or heartwarming.” (Liesl Schillinger, New York Times)
* “David Sedaris is the rare writer who makes you feel more charming and witty after every encounter.” (Lucy Mohl, Seattle Times)
“This is comedy, pure and simple, with occasional moments of surprising sweetness.” (Connie Ogle, Miami Herald)
“Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus”
In 1897, eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York’s now-defunct newsletter, The Sun.
Photo of Virginia O’Hanlon from the 1890s
“Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus,” she wrote. “Papa says ‘If you see it in the Sun it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?”
The answer, written by Francis P. Church in the form of an editorial, produced one of journalism’s most famous lines, and became the most reprinted English language editorial of all time:
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank GOD! He lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
(Source: Letters of Note)
Christmas Palm
Also known as Manila Palm, Kerpis Palm, Adonidia Palm, Dwarf Royal Palm, and Veitchia Palm
Binomial name: Adonidia merrillii
This palm is native to the Philippines. During the summer months, it produces light green flower buds that turn into creamy blossoms. In December, the flowers are followed by green oval fruits that turn bright red as they ripen. They hang in clusters, looking like Christmas ornaments.
For more information about Paradise Palms, click here.
In case your heart needs more warming today…
Did you know that sea otters hold hands while they sleep so they don’t drift apart?
