How to Write a Best-Selling Novel

As someone who’s made a fair part of my living writing, I gobble up advice from successful writers whenever I can find them.

I consume advice about writing fiction and nonfiction, poetry and drama, essays, and news. I’ve read all the best-known books and dozens of essays. But because of their brevity, I’m especially fond of checklists.

Judith, my editor, just sent me this list from Elmore Leonard, a very successful novelist that wrote, among other things, Hombre, the book I’m reviewing below.

  1. Never open a book with weather.
  2. Avoid prologues.
  3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.
  4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said” …he admonished gravely.
  5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
  6. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose.”
  7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
  8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
  9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things.
  10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.But Leonard’s most important rule is one that he says sums up all 10: “If it sounds like writing, rewrite it.”

Hombre 

By Elmore Leonard

201 pages

Published Jan. 1, 1961 by Ballantyne Books

This is one of two books by Elmore Leonard that The Mules are reading this month.

 Hombre is genre fiction. It’s a Western, the story of John Russell, a sort-of Apache/White Man that leads a group of passengers to safety after their stagecoach is held up and they are left to die in the desert.

It’s is not one of Leonard’s best books, but it is a good, fast, fun read. So, I’m recommending it.

The Themes 

The most obvious theme is prejudice: White prejudice against Native Americans and Mexicans. Native American prejudice against Whites. And Mexican prejudice against Native Americans and Whites.

But the story also deals with social governance versus individuality – whether democracy is always the better choice. And trust and human nature – whether assuming that there is good in everyone that can be tapped into is an intelligent social perspective.

What I Liked About It 

Like I said, it is a quick and satisfying read. But it also got me thinking.

What I Didn’t Like 

The story is told through the perspective of a secondary character. I generally like this literary gimmick (e.g., The Great Gatsby). But in this case, it felt, at times, artificial and almost intrusive.

Critical Reception 

I couldn’t find any reviews of Hombre by actual critics. But here are some posted by readers on GoodReads:

“Leonard’s spare style and his use of first-person (his only novel to use that POV), is effective at lending the story its mythic tone. It’s deceptively uncomplicated and well-paced, right up to its great final act.”

“Leonard’s story of Russell and of how he earns the name ‘Hombre’ has many aspects of the formulaic Western, but it also shows the genre at its best.”

Forgery: Modern Art’s Biggest Problem

Stephanie Clegg, an art collector, paid Sotheby’s $90,000 for a Marc Chagall watercolor about 10 years ago. Recently, she sent it to an authentication panel in France that declared it a fake. When Clegg complained to Sotheby’s, they told her that their guarantee of authenticity lasted only five years, but said they would give her a credit of $18,500 on future sales. She said no. She wants $175,000. (Source: The New York Times)

In the book I’m writing on collecting art as an investment, I’m devoting a chapter to the problem of forgeries. Fake Rembrandts and Vermeers have troubled the market forever, but in the last 50 years, fakes have become commonplace. That’s because modern art is much easier to forge and more difficult to detect. The good news: This is a problem that will go away. Within the next decade, all museum-grade art will be sold with accompanying NFTs that will render forgery obsolete.

Was This Excessive Force? You Decide 

There’s no question in my mind: Body cameras on law enforcement officers are a good thing. As are smartphones used by citizens documenting police/people interactions. The body cam video clip below was released by a local police department to demonstrate that the officer involved in the arrest did NOT use excessive force. Looking at it, I can see their point. But I also think the video demonstrated what I’d call excessive and unjustified interrogation. (Why not just let the couple know that they needed to move on?)

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Gazillions of Viruses on Earth: How Afraid Should We Be?

How about this for an emotionally disturbing fact: There are 10 “nonillion” (10 to the 31st power) viruses on our planet. That’s 100 million viruses for every single star in the universe!

That’s how Katherine J. Wu begins her essay in the most recent edition of National Geographic. It begs the question, “Are we doomed to be destroyed by viruses?” You can read her answer here.

The 10 Best US Airlines 

From The Points Guy website…

“There are a lot of ways to measure an airline’s success. [These include] on-time performance, reliable scheduling, the affordability of airfares, excellent elite perks, and the scope of a frequent flyer program…. Every year, we… take a look at all of these factors (among others) to compare the major airlines. The goal is simple: Use objective data to identify just how well airlines are serving customers.”

Based on each airline’s performance over the previous year, here’s their list of the Best US Airlines of 2022: Delta, Southwest, United, American, Alaska, Hawaiian, JetBlue, Frontier, Allegiant, and Spirit. Click here for details.

My take: Jet Blue is at the top of my list, tied with Southwest. Delta is okay. American is, at best, mediocre. And the rest are bad to terrible. But by far the best airline for going from coast to coast is Virgin, a British airline. (Go for Mint Class if you can.)

Tipping Is Going Up: What Gives?

This chart was derived from a study by Toast, a point-of-sale (POS) platform that restaurants and other retail food services use to cash out customers.

The study found that…

* The average tip in full-service restaurants was 19.6%, compared to 16.9% for fast-food places.

* Tips rose 10% year-over-year, compared to 7.6% for food costs.

Well, that’s encouraging. Tips are at least meeting the cost of inflation. Is that because customers are feeling compassionate? Not according to the digital news site Hustle. They note, “POS platforms like Toast have ushered in the rise of ‘iPad tipping,’ leading many to tip when they normally wouldn’t to avoid looking stingy in front of the cashier.”

I’m sure you’ve had a lot of these “complete your transaction” experiences lately. I have. And they nudge me to tip higher than I usually would.

Here’s a funny video clip that explains what may be going on.

The conservancy that I’m developing in West Delray Beach, FL, is destined to be (if I have anything to say about it) one of the largest and best-curated palm tree collections in the world. It also features a growing collection of outdoor sculptures, a traditionally styled Japanese tea house, a Zen Garden, and a Yoga/Jiu Jitsu House in the shade of a little bamboo forest. Not to mention a stock of African cycads, dozens of other exotic plants and trees, and one of Florida’s highest “mountains” at nearly 20 feet!

Here’s a peek at one of those exotic trees:

Autograph Tree

Also known as: balsam apple, pitch-apple, copey, or Scotch attorney
Binomial name: Clusia rosea

The autograph tree is native to the Bahamas, Hispaniola, Cuba, Puerto Rico, and Florida. Unlike most other plants, it can absorb carbon dioxide during nighttime hours. It’s called the autograph tree because its leaves are so hard you can carve into them. In the West Indies, the leaves were used to make playing cards.

For more information about Paradise Palms, click here.

a word to the wise

Scintillating – from the Latin scintilla, meaning “spark” – is another way to say glittering; brilliantly and excitingly clever or skillful. (See today’s P.S., below.)