Why?

I was on my way to Tokyo to meet with the CEO of a large Japanese book publisher. The topic: a possible joint venture.

“Bring a present,” a friend that had done business in Japan before advised me. “Something “golf-ish.”

“Golf-ish?”

“The Japanese are crazy about golf.”

The introduction was formal. I was met in the lobby by a young woman who was to be my guide and interpreter. She brought me to the CEO’s opulent office. He was congenial, but not gushing. There was bowing instead of hand-shaking. The conversation was perfunctory and muted.

I gave him – I don’t even remember what I gave him. His assistant gave me an equally forgettable gift in return.

Our meeting took place in hour-long conversations over the next several days. I had read that the Japanese prefer to make acquaintanceships slowly. During the meetings, I was keenly aware that my behavior – i.e., my manners – would play a big role in determining the outcome. I was careful to stay formal and serious and respectful.

After the penultimate meeting, I was invited out to dinner with several of the senior executives. (The CEO had attended only the first meeting.) After a nice meal, they took me to a “club,” which turned out to be an ersatz old-fashioned Playboy Club. We drank and smoked and none of them even glanced at the servers.

We never did the deal. And I never found out why. Perhaps I was too serious or not serious enough during the meetings. Perhaps they didn’t like the deal. Or perhaps they caught me glancing at a server.

I have Japanese partners now. They are younger and much less formal. Next time we meet, I’ll tell them this story. Perhaps they can explain it to me.