“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” – Desmond Tutu

One of the Most Important Skills I Ever Learned –

How It Improved Both My Business and My Personal Life 

I learned to forgive myself for making bad business decisions about 30 years ago, in my early 40s. It not only greatly reduced the stress I was under at the time, it helped me become a better businessperson.

Learning to forgive myself in my personal life was much more recent. More about that part of the story in a minute.

Here’s the first part…

Shortly after taking on the role that I think of now as growth strategist for BB and company, I came up with a marketing idea that I pushed through that didn’t go as expected. I am not sure of the exact number, but I think it cost the business about $80,000 at a time when revenues were only $8 million.

I felt terrible about it. I felt so bad, in fact, that I cut BB a personal check for $80,000.

He refused to cash the check. “These things happen,” he said.

That didn’t make me feel any better. It made me feel worse. In my mind, I owed him 80 grand, and I hated the idea of being in debt to anyone for anything. I still do.

Several months later, we launched a marketing idea that lost even more money. But this time it was his idea. I was sure he would be horrified and humiliated when he saw the report. (I remember feeling embarrassed for him.) But he wasn’t. After looking at the bottom line, all he said was: “Gee, I guess that didn’t work!”

His response had an immediate and forever effect on me. I’m not sure why, but my transformation was instantaneous.

I suddenly understood that in order to generate good and even great business decisions, you have to be willing to make bad ones. Expect to have some strike-outs. Simply admit that you were wrong… and move on.

BB was able to do this, I realized, because he did not have an emotional attachment to his business ideas. He was prolific in generating ideas, but he had no ego involvement in them.

Because I was emotionally attached to my ideas, I wasn’t able to see their weaknesses. Even if someone pointed out those weaknesses very clearly, I would defend them in order to protect my ego.

I knew that I had to let go… and, somehow, I did. And since then, if someone points out a fault in an idea I present or suggests something that might be better, I’ve been happy to drop it and go forward with something new.

As helpful as this concept has been in my business career for the last 30 years, I never thought of applying it to my personal life. This is odd, because I had at least a dozen personal goals that I was having only piecemeal success with – and I was still beating myself up whenever I failed at any one of them.

Then one day last year – and I can’t explain how this happened – I woke up and thought, “I’ve got to stop doing this to myself.”

Somehow, I did. And, again, the transformation was instantaneous.

The anger and guilt and emotional turmoil is gone. No more flagellating myself over petty crimes and misdemeanors (like arriving late or overeating). Whenever it is clear that I have screwed up in some way, instead of blaming myself, I simply think, “Gee, I guess that didn’t work!” And I move on.

The mental cell I had imprisoned myself in all those depressing years finally opened, and I am free.

I wish I could give you a step-by-step account of how I came to this wonderful point in my life, but I can’t. For the life of me, I don’t know how I did it. I can only hope that telling you my story will be enough to make you believe you can do the same.

More about this as I discover more about it myself. For now, I leave you with the following Buddhist parable.