“Ultimately, there is no such thing as failure. There are lessons learned in different ways.” – Twyla Tharp

12 Things I’ve Learned About Living a Full Life 

I’ve got a thousand ideas about how to do things better. That’s because I’ve made ten thousand mistakes that I later realized I could have avoided by making a different decision or taking a different approach.

Most of those are small. But here are 12 big ones…

1. Work your job with purpose.

Increasing your personal income is a purpose. A valid purpose. But so is growing the profitability of the business you work for. And so is working to improve product quality and customer service. If you start with serving the customer and link that to the company and then finally to you, you’ll have found a way to stay motivated by and satisfied with your work for the length of your career.

2. Be generous – with your money, your time, and your words.

Generosity is not a one-sided virtue. It’s a behavior that enriches not only the recipient but also the giver. The repayment is seldom direct. And seldom in kind. But if the giving is done without the expectation of repayment, the first reward – emotional satisfaction – is immediate. And other rewards – which are many and varied – continue almost indefinitely throughout your career.

3. Make plans and set goals. But don’t attach yourself to them.

Satisfaction in life doesn’t come from accomplishing goals. Anyone that has achieved any goal of significance understands that. And although many goals can be reached by effort and endurance, not all can be reached. Some are thwarted by forces beyond your control. In setting goals, you should begin by accepting the possibility of failure, but then commit to pursuing the goal nevertheless.

4. Make quiet a part of your daily life.

The beneficial effects of mindfulness are well documented. Mindfulness does not mean achieving a higher state of consciousness. Quite the contrary, it means allowing yourself to be fully conscious – in the here and now. And to do that, all you have to do is listen to your breathing three or four times during the day.

5. Do one thing at a time.

Multitasking is a skill that can be developed, but almost always with detrimental effects. Rather than doing two or three things simultaneously, learn how to focus on a multitude of things sequentially, giving full attention to each one.

6. Ignore what is annoying.

Life is – or can be – full of annoyances. And if you allow them to take hold of you, they will drain your energy and halt your forward progress. It may seem impossible, but you can learn to ignore almost every kind of annoyance. It takes practice, but it can be done.

7. Accept the little disappointments.

Like annoyances, life can be jam-packed with minor disappointments. If you get upset about them, you will eventually blame and punish yourself each time they occur. Instead, accept the fact that minor disappointments are an inevitable part of life. In fact, the more you try to accomplish in life, the more of these small disappointments you will encounter. Learn to shrug them off. Learn to say, “I guess that didn’t work.” And move on.

8. Respect danger. Do not fear it.

Most things we fear are not worthy of the stress they cause. They are ephemeral things like shame and embarrassment that come with failure. They are ineluctable aspects of living a full and rewarding life. Learn to distinguish between real danger and this other sort. Respect the first and overcome the second by exposing yourself to it.

9. Welcome the new.

As we get older, we become more comfortable with the routine and less welcoming of new experiences. This is understandable. What is new is often unknown. And what is unknown can often create new challenges, which means more work. Keep in mind that it is only by welcoming the new that you can take best advantage of it. Some caution is fine. But the dominant emotion should be delight.

10. Embrace challenges.

Some small portion of your daily life will be emotionally or physically challenging. Don’t run from it. Distinguish between the challenges that will make you stronger or take you farther and those that have no beneficial potential. Do not shy away from beneficial challenges, for doing so will make you weaker and will reduce the scope of your experience. Develop the habit of taking on a challenge as soon as you possibly can.

11. Forget Attila the Hun strategies.

When it comes to making deals – either in business or in your personal life – don’t try to come out “on top.” Forget all the Look-Out-for-Number-One BS that’s popular in some success circles. Look for win-win deals. Win-win deals make good relationships flourish, which means less work, less stress, fewer ugly breakups, and more benefits later on. If situations change during the course of the relationship and you find yourself at an advantage, adjust the relationship first. Don’t wait till your partner asks you to.

12. Forgive but don’t forget.

If you follow #11, your chances of getting screwed by your partners will be seldom to none. But if someone does take advantage of you, refrain from lashing out. Do what you can to work yourself out of the relationship as equitably as you can. Don’t fight for the small stuff. Try, if possible, to have the other person feel like he got out on his own terms. You may find, as I’ve found, that you can even have good though distant relationships with these people afterwards. But don’t be tempted to get back into another relationship with them. If you do, you will definitely regret it.

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