“Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems…. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.” – Scott Adams

The Language Police Are At It Again! 

Last year, according to Dictionary.com, we were no longer allowed to say “committed suicide.” This year, they’re taking aim at some “problematic” words and phrases that might “hurt some groups of people.”

A few examples from an article titled “Stop Using These Phrases in 2020 (Use These Synonyms Instead)”:

* Guru – “Throwing the term around casually – as in referring to yourself as a marketing/love/business guru – is disrespectful because it diminishes the importance of the title and its [Buddhist and Hindu] origins.”

* Binging – “The word… originates from serious eating disorders… and should be reserved for discussions about them.”

* Scalp – “Using it to say someone ripped you off or to infer that you got robbed is making light of what was a very gruesome act….”

* Hysterical – “Far too often women are dubbed hysterical for being outspoken or showing their feelings. That wades into… sexist territory due to the history of the term…. Hysteria comes from the Greek hysterikós, which means ‘suffering of the womb.’ [And] the ancient Greeks believed that when a woman was behaving irrationally… it was because her uterus was literally wandering around her body causing trouble.”

Lest you continue to unwittingly offend, the (anonymous) author of this article officiously offers alternatives. Doyen, virtuoso, authority, and maestro instead of guru… indulging, satiating, being on a spree, and wallowing instead of binging… and so on.

You can read the entire ridiculous thing here.

“I hate writing. I love having written.” – Dorothy Parker

In a very good and very readable recent essay – titled “Ruin Your Life” – James Altucher chronicles his journey as a writer. His advice to wannabe writers: “There are no tips other than to write write write. And read read read.” Then, in typical Altucher fashion, he proceeds to provide 21 very specific tips. You can read the entire essay here.

Meanwhile, here are some of those tips…

Writing Tips From James Altucher

* Read “Old Man and the Sea” – Read it once a year. Read how he strips out every word. It’s the most boring story in the world. It’s written at a fourth-grade level. But every time I read it I become (I think, I hope) a better writer.

* Read “Factotum” by Charles Bukowski (the art of the short chapter. The art of the memoir novel. The art of being bad but being lovable. The art of being depressed and scared and hopeless but sharing it).

* Read “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey (the sentences!) and “Spectacle” by Susan Steinberg (you will be one writer before you read it and a different one after you read it). And, most importantly, I’ve read “Jesus’ Son” by Denis Johnson at least 300 times and I will read it 300 more times.

* No matter what you write in the first draft, cut out 30% by the final draft.

* No matter what you write, before you are done, take out the first and last paragraph. Even if you know this rule, it still works.

* Avoid adjectives and adverbs. The story should reveal how quick he ran. Not the word “quick.”

* Try for a cliffhanger every paragraph. Fiction or nonfiction.

* Bleed in the first line, even if you have to start in the middle of a story.

* Idea Sex: Take one idea, combine it with another idea. BOOM! Thrillers + Legal = John Grisham selling 200 million books.

* Write down ten ideas a day. Get the juices flowing.

* Write Read Steal Repeat. Steven Pressfield stole “The Bhagavad Gita” and put the exact structure in a novel about golf in the 1930s. “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is now a modern classic.

* Process is all that matters. Outcomes will take care of themselves.