Saturday, April 28, 2018
Delray Beach, FL. – He was the kind of person that leaned into you when he spoke. Poked you in the ribs to emphasize his enthusiasm and never laughed at your jokes. When he met K for the first time, he put his arm around her waist. I didn’t like him, but I was making good money from him. So I put up with it. For a while…
Tony Robbins once told a story that went something like this:
He was on a flight in the first-class cabin when he was identified by a well-dressed, middle-aged man who said, “You the power guy, right?”
When Tony acknowledged that he was, the man confronted him. “I’ve watched your infomercial, and I think it’s crap. The way I see it, everyone falls into one of two groups: the powerful and the powerless. Ninety-nine percent are powerless. And regardless of what you promise them, they’ll stay powerless.”
“You’re missing the point,” Tony said. “Everyone has an untapped power center, and I show people how to unleash it and use it to fulfill their dreams.”
“Bull!” the man replied. “You want to see real power? Watch this!”
He picked up his drink and poured it slowly into the lap of his traveling companion, his lawyer.
The embarrassed man jumped up, brushed himself off, and looked at Mr. Big in horror.
“It’s only gin, George,” said Mr. Big, laughing. He handed the lawyer his napkin. “It won’t stain your suit.”
George forced a smile and retreated to the bathroom.
Mr. Big turned to Robbins and said, “That, Mr. Robbins, is power.” He then reclined his seat and promptly fell asleep.
When George returned, Robbins handed him one of his books. “Maybe you should read this,” he said.
“Thanks,” said George. He glanced at his sleeping boss, opened the book, and began reading.
When the plane landed, Mr. Big jolted awake. He turned to George and said, “Get down my bags, won’t you.” He then looked at Tony as if to say, “See what I mean?”
But then something delightful happened. George looked Mr. Big in the eye and said, “Get it yourself.”
Mr. Big glared at him. “Just remember who you work for!” he growled.
“Not for you any longer,” said George. “I quit.”
I like Robbins’ story because it illustrates several important facts about power and abuse:
* There are many kinds of power and there are also many kinds of abuse.
* Sometimes there is no escape from an abusive relationship, but more often there is.
* The first step in ending an abusive relationship is to decide that the benefits are outweighed by the pain and humiliation.
* Once the abused person is willing to leave the relationship, he gains power. Instantly.
Think about how and when you feel powerless. Is it when you get into certain situations? Is it when you are with certain people?
Ask yourself: “What is it about these situations/people that I feel I need? Couldn’t I live without them?”
The answer is almost certainly “yes.”
Keep that in mind the next time someone does something that triggers that powerless feeling. Remind yourself that you don’t need the relationship and respond accordingly. You are no longer willing to eat shit, and you are prepared to quit. Prepared to quit the negotiation. The job. The friendship. The marriage. So stand your ground and defend yourself. Say something strong. Not crazy. Not reactionary. Strong and calm. You’ve already left it/him/her emotionally. You don’t care. In fact, you may feel pity.
Speak with the compassion of someone who’s already free and gone. It will be noticed.
One of two immediate outcomes awaits you: You will get the power and respect you need or you will quit for real. In either case, you’ll be very happy with yourself. And the rest of your life will be better for it.
